Yeah, I'm going there haha. Well, I just got back from the midnight premiere, and to be honest with you I was pleasantly surprised. Don't get me wrong, the movie was pretty bad, but I'll be damned if it wasn't beautiful. We'll get to all that in a little bit though. The movie does quite a few things right, however, it also does a lot of things wrong. Obviously since this came out today I have no screens. So if you want to see what I'm talking about, you'll have to go see the movie. Let's get this underway.
Plot
Yeah, this is where the movie fails. So hard. Have you ever seen a Steven Seagal film? What about a Jean-Claude Van Damme film? Well something you'll notice in most of them, is that the plot is unimportant. We watch the movie to see these guys kick ass. That's what Total Recall is. The plot is basically a bunch of strings trying to tie together fight scenes. I'd rather the movie not had a plot, just show me more Jessica Biel and Kate Beckinsale (or more Bryan Cranston but we'll get to that in a minute.) The plot kinda reminds me of 1984, where the government is feeding people a bunch of false information, and only a small handful of people know better. The Government is basically blaming a bunch of attacks on "The Colony" so they can invade. It flimsy and probably the worst part of the movie. Plot development was atrocious. Farrell finds out he needs to find this one guy. Then an action scene breaks out, then another, then a really long one on some elevators, then some Beckinsale Biel fighting.Then probably about an hour later we get to this guy (you probably think I'm exaggerating, I'm not, at all.)
By now you're probably seeing some of the issue. Plot took a back seat to action and showing off the CGI. The plot is similar to the original film, however, if they changed names, a few plot points, and the title, I would never connect them. There's no Mars (which blows.) So overall the plot is pretty weak
Plot Score: 3/10 I doubt they spent more than a week writing this flimsy garbage
Characters/ Actors
This is where the movie gets better, great actors in fitting roles. I hated Farrell a lot less than I expected too, however, he's no Arnold. This film feels to me like Farrell's personal masturbation material. The whole movie is him being a bad-ass, blowing shit up, and looking good doing it.
Now for the best part of the movie, Beckinsale. Let me preface this by saying Kate Beckinsale is in like my top 5 hottest chicks. Not just for her looks, but also for the roles she plays. Total Recall is no different. She play's one of the main baddies and Farrell's "wife" (played by Sharon Stone in the 1990 film.) Kate Beckinsale definitely showed some Selene in this one, a tough ass chick who's cold as ice.
Jessica Biel. What can I say, her movies are usually hit or miss for me. I tend to not like her in most films. However, she's kickass in this movie, and she looks the best I've ever seen her. Her character is pretty much the love interest through out the film. My complaint here is a simple one, I never once see any spark or chemistry between Biel and Farrell's characters. I just have a hard time believing it. Like I said though, the plot sucks, no point in trying to read into it.
Bryan Cranston. He's come so far, from being the dad on Malcolm in the Middle to being a meth chef on Breaking Bad. He's one of my favorite actors and I'm very glad to see him finally getting the recognition he deserves. This movie does him no justice. His total screen time is maybe 5 to 10 minute and that's being generous. He shows up to be the bad guy and burn kittens or something I don't know, like I said no reason to read into the plot. His acting was as superb ever, and I wish his role had been extended, because I like his character the best. Sure I love looking at Beckinsale at Biel, but I'd really liked to have seen more of Cranston's character. His motivations are never really discussed either. I get that there's overpopulation, and that's why they're trying to take over "The Colony". How does that make him the bad guy? He's trying to help his people, granted by killing millions of innocent people...... I just realized I'm trying to read into the plot again, apologies, it won't happen again, I'd prefer it if my brain were not to explode.
Character Score: 6/10 The characters are very one-dimensional, but well portrayed by great actors
Scenery
Here's where the movie shines, shines like the sun. This CGI is some of the best I've ever seen, it's beautiful and extremely well done. I didn't notice a single piece of CGI that wasn't completely realistic. Except maybe those hover cars. I feel like they literally took the hover cars from Minority Report and stuck 'em in this movie. This movie is beautiful. It's a serious dose of eye candy. If you've ever been interested in CGI and how good it can look, give this a watch,
Scenery Score: 10/10 I don't think this could've been any better if they tried
Action
I'm adding this category specifically for this movie. Whoever the fight choreographer for this movie was, I'd like to shake your hand. I'll be damned if this wasn't some of the coolest fighting I've seen in recent years. The action is all really well choreographed and really well shot. This is another area where the movie definitely shines.
Action Score: 9/10 My only complaint is that some of the action sequences run a little too long
Final Thoughts
I'm not going to lie, the movie was not good. On the other hand, I was highly entertained. Though the second half tends to get a little plot heavy it makes up for it with a satisfying final boss battle. Now the one subject I want to touch on here is the ending. The movie pulled an Inception, you don't know if the whole thing is real or if it's what Rekall implanted in his mind. So that kind of got on my nerves, but not too much.
Rating: 3/10 The movie suffers from a CGI and Action focus, but those things are not what makes a good movie
My Score: 7/10 If you like CGI and Action this movie has it in droves. It kept me pretty entertained.
That's it for this time guys. I hope you enjoyed this review and I hope it helped you decide if Total Recall is for you. I'd recommend it for a watch, but don't expect anything amazing or you'll be sorely disappointed.
If you have any comments, suggestions, question, blah, blah, just leave them in a comment on this post.
